I suddenly thought I have not figured out life the past few weeks. I don’t know where this has been coming from — I’m okay, I just feel like I’m being a slacker again. Work has been so busy lately, it’s that time of the year – it’s Q4 so the loads are pretty challenging. Because of this, I have not been able to go to the gym (OMG I just realized it’s been a month it could have made a difference already!) — or not. There’s truth to this but I kinda know that a part of it is just an excuse. I have been eating and eating again, and I am being a couch potato (I always am) – the unhealthy kind!
I have also been bitching around (a lot) lately, I know I always do but the emotions are heightened it feels like my days are red but no, not yet. I hate it, I hate it. I used to be the shy and timid girl then suddenly, boom. One bitch in the making. I learned to not care and hate on everything that won’t suit my preferences — I just learned how to not give a fuck. I wasn’t one of those teens who does stare fest all the time and make virtual thought bubbles with the “You can’t sit with us” swagger line, though. I was actually the one being stared at. Do that to me now, you’ll go to hell. Lol well I guess it’s that belief that I have in something begetting something. So if you’re nice, I’d be nice. *wink*
It feels so liberating, you know, from being the girl who’s always at the corner, to being able to remain not being bothered, affected or troubled by the attacks.
Photo from Tumblr
Actually, I don’t get the point why I am saying all these.
Now really reflecting on this, not giving a damn is fun and life is so much easier and uncomplicated. It’s gives me a sense of self security, being able to do and achieve what I want and get through with life’s challenges just by my own, without help from anyone. I feel invincible.
On the other hand, I partly feel sad, or disappointed (that’s the better term) for possessing (or being able to feel) this liberty makes me feel like my innocence is slowly on a journey to escape. The harsh reality that you will never reach being fully grown in this world when you remained untouched unfolds.