I’ve always been that girl in the corner. Although in my elementary days I used to be a resident of quiz bees, declamation contests, general assemblies, recognitions (anything that involves stage) – the reason why I couldn’t figure why in the world I have never out grew that stage fright. Six good years. As usual, it would have to be my strange self again.
Then came secondary school and I guess I just knew from the bottom of my heart that being in the front line would never be my thing. In contrast, my dreams include talking to people so it’s really weird. I am weird. Even though I had these dreams, I was fine with doing cut-outs, painting backdrops, and operating sound systems. I never hung out with the “populars” in my batch — because maybe they’re either picky or I was never really loud. Whichever of the two, it worked for sure, for both of our benefits. I prefer keeping things to myself and not letting anyone know, I would conceal it as much as I can, and if it explodes, then it’s a surprise.
I would always describe myself as simple. I don’t know if anyone would disagree, but if you would, please do — I’ve been living through that concept of my self my whole life so wake me up from this delusion (if ever) hahaha.
I’m the quiet girl who would do anything to avoid the spot light (I know that sounds a bit weird and I get where you’re coming from). I remember back in the days, my teachers would always comment that I was kinda okay in class but always lacking in recitation. You see, even if I know the answer (not to mention the fact that I know that I’d be getting points when I raise my hand), I would still choose to tell my seat mate the answer and let him get away with the plus points that could have been mine.
So I figured I’d have to conquer my fears if I still want to be a music veejay/singer/weather reporter/lawyer or else I would have to change my dreams. And so I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Psychology. You can guess what I did. It’s frustrating, really. I hope I happened to come across this saying seven years ago:
I guess I have absorbed all of my mom’s teachings that I overapplied them. I was taught to be contented and make the most out of everything that is laid on the table, which is probably one of the contributing factors to my extreme introversion. Glad to say that I’m kind of improving (based on self-assessment), because I found out how to make things happen, in my introverted ways.
I’ve been LSS-ing on Lorde’s Royals the last three days, and how she says it on the song is absolutely the perfect way to describe my point in this post:
We don’t care, we’re driving Cadillacs in our dreams
All these weirdness, simplicity, introversion and everything are what make me me, myself, and I am so much fine. I know there are things that I don’t possess, but they don’t matter and I don’t care — I live in my own fantasy where I am the queen bee and not caught up with the world’s love affair.