The real journal, it has truly been a while, I realized.

It makes me smile that right now, though struggling to get past through what they call the “writer’s block” (quote and unquote because I am by no means legit), I am comfortably and uncomfortably at rest in my usual hideout. Nothing does better than my fifteen year-old bed cushion, my big and soft pillows, and the wall in which I rest my back most of the time.

I’ve been looking at the floor, sliding my feet for almost half a day and here I am, this is still all that I got.

I never realized that I am at a brink of something — something that I cannot explain, or something that I do not want to declare.

Probably because over the years I’ve always practiced the “Do not put {whatever it is} in your head” mantra, I thought I’ve become impenetrable. Except recently.

I don’t know how and where to start.

***

1/4

I can’t figure out whether I will go about my frustration with the traffic that I’m dealing with everyday. I know I’ve had a reputation, and I’m quite lucky that I’ve gotten away with it over the years. Lately, I’ve been trying hard to slowly change.

My official working hours starts at 9AM and is supposed to end by 6PM. However, my job is very flexible. The industry that I am in has a totally different culture than that of the banks. It’s like Wall Street everyday, only it isn’t. So we’re okay to clock in later than nine, it’s your call and your conscience, as long as you get the job done. Yes, you can assume that I took advantage of the leniency.

For the whole time that I’ve been employed, I was always used (and willing) to have my salary deducted. Now I realized I could’ve gotten myself three pairs of Flyknit Lunars had I been an early bird.

My boyfriend (who also has a reputation, worse than mine) did it for the whole month of October. He managed to clock in before 6AM, and won the bet in his office! I was impressed, and thought that there’s still hope. So I said I will try, slowly.

I began to set my alarms at 5:30 (with 6:30 being the latest snooze), so as to be able to leave the house before 7. I was able to, and that has put a smile on my face. But arriving at the shuttle terminal is a different story.

The usual travel time from Springville to Makati is one hour. So when I get to the terminal by 7, I will be in by 8. The thing is, heavy long lines were what awaited me the past few days. I was forgiving the first time. I peacefully stood with the other passengers while listening to Queen of the Clouds and Truth Serum. The misery didn’t end at waiting in line, it started there. Traffic in Skyway was insane! Right after paying the toll, no one started moving. This happened the whole week.

It wouldn’t be an issue to me if I was only after my clock-ins. I got meetings to attend, clients to deal with and bosses to please. I had a meeting at 9 last Wednesday and because I do not trust the terminal and Skyway anymore, I took a different route. I even shelled out double of my usual fare just so I could make it. But of course, I didn’t! EDSA was worse! I am in a rage because it’s taking me a lot of effort to get up from bed that early, only to realize that it’s not worth it!

Who’s to blame?

Should I wake up at 4? Is it the government? Or the motorists, are they too slow to move?

Now I couldn’t decide if I will pursue this change that I’m aiming for or just continue to feed whoever asshole is being served by my salary deductions.

 

Posted by:Yshy

I like to color my nails and I adore Filipino time.

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