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Tobin & the Duke

January 3, 2015

I finished two books this week. One of them was Let It Snow, and I liked it.

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I almost didn’t want to do this entry, but today I found some of my old notes. I surprisingly did not feel embarrassed for my old self – me being a Juliet who wrote every detail of every emotion I was feeling – because normally I would, I felt that I was back at an old favorite place and reunited with an old friend instead. It was nice to revisit the moment in my head and smell the once white pages that turned to yellow. So I will, because every feeling is worth savoring and well, it’s just a feeling.

***

Maybe because they crossed paths again. That’s just about it. She is totally over.

But what exactly is it that she is over about, in the first place?

They tried their hardest to be like normal people who act their age, but throughout the course of the conversation, the silliness couldn’t be helped. It came out naturally.

More than a decade later and it still felt like there is something, no matter how little it is, in both of them.

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There’s an unexplainable quick beating in her heart whenever he’s in sight. On his end, there’s this weird sweating situation on top of his lips, right below his nose. The two of them couldn’t stare at each other’s eyes for long. They would just talk and talk, throw in more topics after another to sustain their conversations, as if not wanting them to die down.

Goodness gracious, why did he have to look at her at exactly the same time she would look at him?

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What if they didn’t care about not wanting to break the image that they couldn’t stand being left alone together? That it was just the people around who wanted them to be together? That all they wanted to do was fight, and that they hated each other?

What if they let loose? If they went with the flow and let things take their course?
What if they weren’t scared? What if they didn’t refuse?
What if they didn’t fight their selves..

..and just admitted that they indeed..

..liked each other?

They could’ve been each other’s date during prom.
They could’ve given each other paired necklaces, or bracelets, or whatever, on their month-saries and Valentines day.
They could’ve had a lot of after-school dates at the plant boxes (not that they didn’t have any, but at least ones you could call legitimate dates).
They could’ve had sweet marriage booth moments (not that they didn’t have any, but at least ones that were not forced, and sweeter.)

They could’ve been each other’s first love.. not that they weren’t, but at least declared first love.

And had they were each other’s, would they last until today?

Would they still have those coffee meet-ups in college?
Would they still watch those basketball games?
Would they still catch the same ride home?

Would they still call each other?
Would they still want to keep in touch?

Would they still awkwardly have each other?

***

They were like Tobin and the Duke, they didn’t want to give up their happy middle in the hopes of a happy ending, because there’s no such thing as a happy ending.

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I should’ve snapped a photo of that particular page but whatever.
And this should’ve been rewritten on paper but whatever.

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