Lent, when I was a kid would mean not being able to watch my favorite TV programs because networks customize their programming schedules to make way for religious content (that sounded like a media presentation, ugggh), and not being able to go outside because mother’s orders (well even if it wasn’t Lent I wasn’t really allowed to), etc., etc.
Fast forward to today, I never thought I’d actually say that I miss those days. And I call it good, the good old days of celebrating Lent. Even if I already grew older, I’d still prefer honoring it the way I used to — keeping calm and quiet, trying to reflect (because really, how can you not when even watching the television reminds you to really do) though I’d always fall to temptations again and again, sinning again and again. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but as years go by, I’m noticing that everything seems to become more lenient during this time of the year, including TV networks (well the television played an integral part in our home during Holy Week) which start to air movies that are not religiously themed, news that feature where celebrities go and tag it as vacation instead. It has become a break from school and work, and I don’t know how to feel about that. I’m not the most religious person you’ll bump into — in fact, I’m confused and still trying to get the hang of it — but really, I wish we could go back to treating the Week as sacred as it is.
As I’ve mentioned in my previous TSC post, it was different for me this year. Though I would’ve wanted to just stay in and dedicate my time to being quiet in the hopes of making up for all those times I’ve been a bad steward, I flew to Boracay with my office mates for work and spent the first three days of the Week at the beach, never able to ponder.
But I needed to.
I spent the remaining two days of the Lent (Black Saturday and Easter Sunday) at The Linden Suites in Ortigas, and though I’ve always thought that “staycations” are impractical (you know, spending thousands at the same area you’re supposed to get away from), after experiencing it for the first time, I realized that there’s actually a merit to it.
It’s being home away from home.
The spacious area allowed me to think things through. The ambiance of the suite gave me classic and simple feels (describing them feels as such is unexplainable, but I know what I’m saying — that’s it), and the view of the city skyline was contemplate-friendly. The comfort of the soft couch cushions and feathery pillows sealed the deal.
It was a time that I needed to spend with myself and a moment that I needed to have.
All the blessings, first and foremost, that even if I’ve never been as obedient to the teachings as I ought to be, are still being showered upon me and I can’t be more thankful.
When I was younger, I used to envy teens my age because I didn’t get to spend my life the way I wanted — you know, the YOLO kind of life. As I always say, I have very strict parents (Mama in particular, Papa has always been so chill and game for connivances) and whatever they say has to be obeyed unless I would want to lay downwards and have my butt hit by either a hanger, a belt or a broom. Other times, it would be my hair or my ears being pulled. I used to tell myself that I would never impose such kind of discipline to my future child, and that I would always be approachable so the kid wouldn’t develop a wall towards me. I would always wish for days to come by quickly, so I would be closer to the day when I can finally move out and live a life of my own. Today, six years after my college graduation, I’m still here, living under their roof. And I’m thankful that they raised me the way they did, because if they didn’t, I’d probably be somewhere else. I’m thankful that I was granted enough patience to understand that it was just tough love (keeping it all to myself while growing up was no easy feat), and that I wished that the day when Mama would no longer be hard on me would come because it did! These days, I wouldn’t miss saying I love you to every text message that I send them, and that giving them hugs and kisses before and after going to work isn’t something that I would learn to stop doing.
As I get older, I realize that friendship doesn’t mean the number of friends you have but the quality of relationship that you have for each. The smiles, pouts and duck faces on every photo don’t mean anything if they are not backed up by trying moments. I’m very lucky that in this world full of posers and fakes, I have found the ones who prove that the Fast and the Furious kind of relationship is real. I wasn’t wrong when I first felt this towards my brothers and sisters from different mothers, and until now I still feel that in the event my mom would push me out of the house, I would have a family to go home to (only that I no longer think about it because mom’s getting sweeter every day). I’m really thankful that I crossed paths with them, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t really know what true friendship means. I love them like a real family, and this statement that I always say since the beginning of time still holds true — that I won’t trade them for anything else in this world, and that I’ll trade anything for them!
Finding my Soulmate
Aahh, soulmate! Seems like I never referred to Ian as my soulmate since I had my heart broken nine years ago haha but what can I say, we really are destined for each other (here’s to hoping I won’t jinx it, lol)! I knew it, I knew it since that day he first sat next to me during our Political Science class in Room 306. 7 years and 7 months of being together and we’re not feeling any rush, in fact, we still feel like it’s just yesterday! Knowing that we are on the same page on almost everything gives me sigh of relief, that reassurance that we have a lot of time for ourselves, to grow individually most especially in terms of career and to get good at things that we want to pursue as our passions. I’ll always be thankful for the love that endured and will endure all kinds of feelings — in the past, in the present and in the future.
Giving it All
I don’t know if this is a millenial thing, but the burning desire to keep giving my all in terms of my job and my passions is something that I’m also thankful for. The good things that are happening to me may or may not be fruits of these, and if not, I don’t know what I did to deserve all these. Like what I said, I’m just attributing them to each other, I can’t really say they are indeed results because I don’t give my all for the sake of getting something, but because I just simply want to, because it’s a part of who I am. I’m surprised at the amount of energy I can pour out to every project, and I’m hoping that in the coming days, months and years, the amount of energy and desire that I can give will never be lessened.
I would’ve wanted to keep this to myself but being aware that I still have so much more to work on with my life in spite of having a lot to be thankful for keeps my feet on the ground. Striving to be the better version of my self will always be something that entails a lot of hard work and I struggle doing it every single day. I’m not even at the half of what and who I want to become, in fact, I’m just at the starting point. But just the fact that I’m able to say that I’m at the starting point gives me a sense of direction, even if I don’t really know how to go about it. I’m just thankful to have finally woken up from the deep sleep of procrastination I’ve been drowned into, and I believe that this time, I’m in the move for real. I wouldn’t want to share this because it’s funny and annoying as fuck, but what I’ve been telling myself in the last seven days is this:
“I’m 25, I should be at my prime. I must be at my prettiest because I am at my smartest.”
I hope this motto will bring me to the right place, lelz.
I therefore conclude that staycations are actually productive, and that I need to do it again, ASAP.